She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
