i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
