On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
