We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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