Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
