I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
