If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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