someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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