Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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