Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
