just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sober January is a disaster.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
