he thought i was a dude.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
