Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this just has baby written all over it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
whose parrot is this?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
