I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
