I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
