She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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