i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
