This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
