She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
