I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
