even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
