he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
