I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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