that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
