he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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