hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
