you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
