It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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