Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
