then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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