i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
