my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's great music for shaving your balls
a search helicopter?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
