The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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