Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
