So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
this is an emotional support booty call
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
