some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
