i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
