my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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