the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
