If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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