She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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