Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
