just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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