He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize