If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
