ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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