I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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