omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
