I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
