brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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