does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
