Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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