just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize