Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
