does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
