On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize