He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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