I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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