You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh god it's open bar.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
