so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
