The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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