I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
