Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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