I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
