I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
