Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
