I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
two words...techno handjob
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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