I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
