I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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