handjob tips. give me some.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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