Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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