Got a toothbrush?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize