I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
