Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
