also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
