Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
