Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize