Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
