The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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