Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
