so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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