I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize