oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
