Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
