Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
