The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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