Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
