I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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