well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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