I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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