We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
