Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
