It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
