I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
