is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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