...so i touched it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
