Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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