i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
