just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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